did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
