Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
