i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
