I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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