you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
