have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
