Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
