So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if only i could text you this smell
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
