WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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