The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
