The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
