On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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