I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
