after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
