i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
