Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
