he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
