if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I checked into jail on foursquare
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
