just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
