no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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