I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
