i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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