I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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