God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
