im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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