So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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