The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
