I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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