Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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