i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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