Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
