I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
