I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
