At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
