so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
