I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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