Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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