i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
