i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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