If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
