just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
