I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
