lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
