I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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