I smell stomach acid.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
