I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
