I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
