Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
