Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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