he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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